[Op-Ed] “A Letter To White People: Black Americans Are Exhausted”

Letter to the Editor

Submitted by John R. Faison Sr. – Senior Pastor of Watson Grove Baptist Church in Nashville, TN

I am tired. No . . . I am exhausted.

As a Black man in America today, I feel the multiple weights that are pressing upon every part of who I am. I am exhausted. 

My emotions are exhausted. James Baldwin said, “To be Black and conscious in America is to be in a constant state of rage.” But he never told us how tired that rage could make you. Not to mention how grief intertwines with that rage and intensifies with the continual and consistent trauma I witness every single day.  

Hashtag after hashtag.  

Video after video.  

News cycle after news cycle.  

Racist attack after racist attack.  

Slight guised as misunderstanding after slight guised as misunderstanding.  

These emotions are heavy. But I have learned to be grateful that I can still feel anything.

My mind is exhausted. My rage naturally turns into a passionate desire and work for solutions. I want to make a difference. But my mind doesn’t seem to work as quickly as racism and injustice. So by the time I think I have some answers, more questions arrive with the latest news update. 

Welcome, new allies. Where have you been?

I believe in the power of partnership to combat this injustice. I believe Black people must have white allies to effectively defeat this monster. So I am excited about the presence of white allies who now are joining the fight. But then my mind returns to exhaustion when I wonder, “Where have you been? We’ve been dying in the streets. We’ve been systemically disregarded and ignored. We’ve been disproportionately impacted. We’ve been saying this for decades. Why are you just noticing?”  

Did it take cities to burn that impacted your economics to notice? Did it take a pandemic that arrested your attention to notice? Did it take these racist attitudes to be personified in a president for you to notice? The whole idea of this being new to you, while it is natural to me, is exhausting. 

Fighting two viruses at the same time

My body is exhausted. The emotional and psychological weights of this season are having a physical toll. My body feels the continual tension of having to fight two viruses: COVID-19 and COVID-1619. My sleep schedule is a mess. Some days I have to force myself to eat because I know my body needs what it sometimes does not want. The tension in my shoulders. The unconscious clenching of my jaw. The knots in my stomach. The stress-induced headaches. These physical discomforts don’t come from a lack of good health. I am actually in good shape. But these discomforts are the results of a body that cannot rest. A body that is on perpetual alert because its Blackness has been weaponized. A body that is deemed a threat in most spaces, so it can never be unarmed. 

I am telling you that I am exhausted because you probably would never notice. I have learned how to carry myself well while grieving internally. So I push through. I have mastered looking well, even when I am not OK. So I push through. My history and my ancestors have taught me that I do not get the privilege of excuse-making. So I push through. I have to continue to show up, lead, serve, and make things happen despite the constant fatigue. So I push through. My family and those who depend on me need me, not just to execute but also to be their example. So I push through. My faith in God gives me strength and requires that I remain faithful on mountains and in valleys. So I push through. My people have seen these days before. I know that we will see them again. So I push through. 

Yes, I’m tired. No … I’m exhausted. And I have every right to be. 

Are you tired yet?

John R. Faison Sr. is the senior pastor of Watson Grove Baptist Church in Nashville. This was shared in the Tennessean during the Juneteenth Belmont University Racial Justice Prayer Vigil.